the mind lab

Fri, 08 Feb 2002

Shoe

I'm getting pretty good at taking my shoe off and throwing it.

[February 8, 2002 @ 08:18 AM]
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Thu, 07 Feb 2002

What is this...

500 word blurb... that doesn't make sense. I'd better call the weather phone.

[February 7, 2002 @ 09:17 PM]
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Wed, 06 Feb 2002

The PAIN IS BLINDING

OHHHHHH MY !!!! Where is Benji? up ----- the telephone is ringing, I'd better get it.

[February 6, 2002 @ 07:31 AM]
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I just came screaming down the hallway and decked somebody, I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER --- it was at about 200 hundred yards at oh,say 70-80 miles an hour. You can pick up a bunch of extra speed if you use the loading carts. But this time, I mugged up! I busted up my nose and now it is bleeding everywhere! I couldn't stop the flow so I broke into the women's bathroom and got some tampons out of the vendig machine, and crimped one up my nose. And now, OH MY GOD IT HURTS LIKE BITCH!!!! IT KEEPS SWELLEN AND NOW I CAN'T GET IT OUT!!!!

[February 6, 2002 @ 07:28 AM]
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Tue, 05 Feb 2002

Walabee

Do walabees bite?

[February 5, 2002 @ 10:18 AM]
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Mon, 04 Feb 2002

Super Bowl Monday Paper Chip Rage

Oh my God! I just realized when I posted my message yesterday in my drunken Super Bowl rage, that I lost Benji months ago. That means nobody was guarding the door! Anybody, a hobo, a gypsy, a fireman, even a nun, could have seen the paper chip drafts!!! I'd better speak to Clint pronto and have him do me up a couple fake paper chip drafts so as to divert the fire in my STOMACH THAT IS RAGING RIGHT NOW. I CANNOT THINK ABOUT THE SITUATION AT HAND!!! I NEED TO CONCENTRATE! Maybe I shouldn't have chugged that thing of salsa.... I'll write that on my hand in permanent marker and have it tattooed on me just like that guy in Mentos, the movie. Man, I still can't figure out how that they made a Spanish candy commercial into a successful movie. It is beyond me.

[February 4, 2002 @ 09:36 AM]
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Sun, 03 Feb 2002

Super Bowl Sunday

It's already been a super bowl Sunday. I ate too much "fire" salsa this morning and spent the past two hours on the can. We always rage early. Marcus made us all bloody marys. I hope the guys haven't seen the schematics for the 'paper chip'. I hung them in the study last night. I should have put Benji in there to guard the door...

[February 3, 2002 @ 04:24 PM]
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Fri, 01 Feb 2002

Paper Basket of Money

I just balled up a piece of paper and threw it in the wastebasket. To think, if the paper chip were an actuality, my action would have been equivalent to balling up 10,000 dollars, or maybe more.

[February 1, 2002 @ 09:57 AM]
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Thu, 31 Jan 2002

That's odd...

I went to get a sausage, and when I came back some punk had slipped a paper on my car. I chased him across the parking lot in my Hummer. It's always something, isn't it?

[January 31, 2002 @ 02:33 PM]
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Comphumor

My new standup act is a riot. It's all about computers. Here are a few of the choice puns I'll be using: It's HARD to DRIVE, so my system CRASHED. It should have BACKED UP. Now it has a slipped DISC! I can't think of anything for motherboard or PCI...

[January 31, 2002 @ 12:14 AM]
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