the mind lab

Snoopy

A good name for a dog is Snoopy.

[October 16, 2001 @ 04:06 PM]
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Marketing Theories 20 - Post it Notes

Sometimes before a big sale, or just when I don't feel like working, which is a lot, I take two post it notes, draw an eyeball on each of them and then stick them over my own eyes. Although I really can't see through the post it notes, mainly because they are opaque, I still finds it puts me at rest and I can quickly fall asleep at work when I should be working. I can't tell you how many times employees have come in my office and thought I was awake because my post it note eyeballs were wide open.

[October 12, 2001 @ 01:27 AM]
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Marketing Theories 19 - How to Make Firing Employees Easier

It is a really tough thing to fire employees. One thing I've found that makes it a little easier is sometimes to make a little joke. That is why when I fire employee I reach into my desk and pull out a toy cap gun and fire it in the air a couple times and then tell that employee that they are fired. I've also been known to use a Supersoaker also.

[October 5, 2001 @ 07:09 PM]
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Marketing Theories 18 - The Rise and Fall of the Cosby Frozen Desert Empire

There is a lot to be learned from the fallen Pudding Pop Empire where marketing is concerned. Namely, where is it today? Other celebrity food products are still around, like Paul Newman's salad dressing. Personally when I attend an evening at the Olive Garden, I tell them to take their crap imitation dressing and stick it up their poopers and I whip out some of the real stuff, good ol' Mr. Newman which I use to spice up their salads Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid style. And you've gotta ask yourself, why is Paul Newman's product still around and Cosby's not? Because comedian styled food never sells. Who would dare touch Robin William's Pretzels or Roseanne Barr's Wonder Sliced Bread Loaf. Nobody. But people who aren't comedians, they can sell food products. Even things that help prepare food like the George Foreman grill. I've got 4 of em' myself, in green, blue, yellow and red Imac color.

[October 3, 2001 @ 10:23 AM]
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Pudding Pops

Whatever happened to them? Did you notice they just disappeared? It's not like they weren't popular. I always suspected something fishy about them and Bill Cosby....

[October 1, 2001 @ 12:44 AM]
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Marketing Theories 17 - Lasiks

Some of the budget for my company is going to my Lasiks surgery. But I'm saving my company money by only having one eye done. Then I'm gonna wear a monocle.

[September 15, 2001 @ 09:07 PM]
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Marketing Theories 16 - Tips from Redman

Redman keeps a shoe box filled with crumpled one dollar bills in his kitchen. Whenever Redman needs to pop over to the mini mart to get some Sour Patch Kids, Baseball Cards or a copy of the Wall Street Journal, he just reaches in to his shoebox and grabs some ones.

Link: Redman's Site

[August 13, 2001 @ 03:43 PM]
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Marketing Theories 15 - Take time out to be creative

A Poem

Dolly Parton
got to fartin,
couldn't quit
and so she shit.

[August 10, 2001 @ 03:06 PM]
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Marketing Theories 14 - Creepy Roy

I hired a Roy Orbison impersonator recently to sit in on perspective deals. Why? Cause Roy Orbison is one of the creepiest individuals ever. In the film footage for Pretty Woman, when he is standing there real static, and breaks his statuesque spell with that 'gggrrrroooww', it is Creepy Roy genius. The Creepy Roy who works for me similarly intimidates my clients like midnight coffins to the graveyard.

[August 5, 2001 @ 04:02 PM]
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Marketing Theories 13 - Dress Smart

Don't always wear the same shirt. People will notice. And watch out for ring around the collar.

Red Shirt
Blue Shirt
If you got ring around the collar you are going to get collar dragged

[July 17, 2001 @ 08:48 PM]
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Marketing Theories 12 - Molten Lava Ashtrays

With all E-commerce now bust, I see a future once again in exotic 1950's room decor. Besides war bonds and Todd McFarlane Toys, Molten Lava Ashtrays are some of the wisest investments you can make.

Making the Lava Ashtrays
John, Ashtray and Newspaper: I don't think John has a lava ashtray here, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't think about getting one. QUIT PONDERING USA TODAY'S COVERAGE ABOUT THE IMPENDING CHINA CRISIS JOHN AND GO OUT AND BUY, BUY, BUY MOLTEN LAVA ASHTRAYS. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT MOLTEN LAVA ASHTRAYS WILL SOON BE WORTH A SMALL FORTUNE AND THAT USA TODAY IS PACKED WITH NOTHING BUT LIES, LIES, LIES

[June 6, 2001 @ 01:06 AM]
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Marketing Theories 11 - Cavities

Big cavities in your mouth are sure to mean "no sale" when trying to rope in perspective buyers. I'm talking about the nasty ones that look like black bugs on the front of your teeth. When your clients see little black dots of rot on what you now pronounce your 'teef' (because you will have invariably lost some by this point), they will NOT think you've been pretending you were a reptile scarfing down beetles by the bug zapper, but that you desperately need to pay the dentist a visit. If perspective buyer's minds are filled with phantasms of lizards and men molesting nurses, they will not focus on what you are saying and you will not make the sale. A rich Spaniard once said, "My pearly whites have brought me more riches than all the Indians I ripped off in the Americas."

Think No Cavities
A Goth Girl called Decay - Have her friends nicknamed her Decay because she's got a mouth full of rotting teeth? We can't know for sure because she isn't smiling.
Another Goth Girl called Hand. Why's she called Hand? Funny, the only thing I call 'hand' is my hand.

[May 7, 2001 @ 01:12 PM]
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Marketing Theories 10B - Chinese Food

I wonder though, if we sell arms to Taiwan and start a cold war with China, will Americans still be allowed to eat at Chinese Restaurants? It is a good question isn't it. This spy plane thing already set back the international restaurant business about ten years. This is what really concerns me about the White House's new isolationist policies, not how it will affect the stock market (I have most of my money in War Bonds and they never go bad just like Tac), but how it will affect the my eating. At least my favourite Chinese Restaurant by the New Mall in Salisbury is on top of the game though. I was over there the other day and they had a big banner in there that said, "We can't fly, but we can cook." Food with a helping of diplomacy.

[May 4, 2001 @ 03:52 PM]
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Marketing Theories 10 - Cheatar, the God of Cheating

Don't fret over the rules of engagement when your god of business is Cheatar.

[May 4, 2001 @ 02:56 PM]
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Marketing Theories 9 - Hitting the Jackpot

My own life and blood mother had a premonition the other day eating while Chinese Food that she was going to win the lottery, so she accordingly went to Royal Farms Market and bought three lottery tickets. Just as long as she doesn't start saying, "This is the best Chinese Food I've ever had". My grandma' (my mom's mom) says that at every single meal nowadays, especially when it is KFC to-go.

[April 24, 2001 @ 12:20 AM]
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